


No Regrets

by Poppers1



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2841299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poppers1/pseuds/Poppers1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their first kiss doesn't go as well as Daryl hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short story of their first kiss. I wanted to write this because, although I love Caryl, I don't think they are going to declare their feelings and then be happy, happy, happy! They have issues.

NO REGRETS

The drive back from the hospital was draining. The people who knew Beth were in tears; some were sobbing, others were quietly weeping. Maggie was, on the surface, the worst; howling with rage with Beth in her arms, looking at Glenn in disbelief. He was trying to be the strong one now; his wife had just seen her little sister with a hole in her head. Tyreese and Sasha were tearful, as were Rick and Carl. Carol was sitting next to Daryl, silently weeping. He had his head in his hands, not giving much away. But Carol knew he was sobbing on the inside, if not the out. She knew he was wrecked, broken. Defeated. She knew that he thought he could have saved her, either from the beginning when the police took her away from him, or now, although he doesn’t know how he would’ve done it. Of course he questioned everything he did that day; he just didn’t have any answers. He took the weight of the world on his shoulders and never complained. He didn’t want to be anyone’s hero, didn’t care if he was praised. He just wanted to help his family. Carol put one hand on his thigh and left it there. Although Daryl didn’t change his stance, she knew it was appreciated. 

Even the people who didn’t know Beth were shocked; Rosita holding Abraham, Eugene looking guilty, Tara sitting there, staring. Beth was family. She was light and hope and happiness personified. That wasn’t to say that she was naïve; she wasn’t. She knew that any one of her kin could be turned, could be killed. She just hoped, and possibly prayed, that they wouldn’t. She had trust in the good in people, but realised that not everyone was worthy. Beth was a wise girl, probably too wise. But everyone who knew her loved her. And it wasn’t as though her death was more distressing than other peoples. Hershel’s death was emotionally so very painful, but he was older, he knew he probably wasn’t going to make it to the end, if there was an end. Lori’s blood loss and a gunshot to her brain from her son was heart-breaking; what the boy thought about afterwards was too hard to think about. Beth, though, did something to every single person. She was a beacon of hope, a lantern in a dark room. And seeing Beth dead, from another living person, with no time to say goodbye, no farewell hugs or parting kisses. Just dead. It was sad and it was raw.

When they got to the intended place where they were planning on staying for a few days, Daryl got out of the vehicle and, with a shovel in his hands, immediately started digging a grave in the shade. People wandered off, checking the house had no walkers and making sure it was as safe as it could be. Maggie was still in the van, holding Beth tightly, with Glenn at her side. Rick and Tyreese tried to help Daryl, but he didn’t want help. He wanted space from people. It seemed hours when he finally had a grave he was happy with. Shaking from the effort it took, he went back to the van and sat with Beth, holding her hand, not uttering a word to the others.  
For about half an hour he sat there, until finally he spoke, on bended knee, to Maggie. He asked her if he could carry her to her grave. With shaky lips and a broken heart, she nodded, grasping to Glenn like she was going to fall off the earth if she didn’t have anything concrete to hold on to. So, with relative ease, Daryl held Beth, carried her to her final location, and stepped carefully into the grave. With loving tenderness he positioned her in her last posture, kissed her softly on the cheek, and said something that nobody could hear. With Rick’s help, he clambered out of the hole and stood with Carol, his head lowered. Words were spoken, tears were shed, Beth’s knife put in the pit, and then dirt slowly filled it up. Stones were placed in the shape of a “B”. It was a draining day, that day.

 

Later, Daryl was outside on his own, supposedly on watch, although nobody expected him to be on his guard. Carol was worried about him. Of course he had tragic incidents that happened in his life, probably more than most. Merle’s death had been very hard on him, but he knew that Merle had been ‘tricky’, was maybe the most diplomatic way of describing his character. Beth’s personality was the opposite. She had a simple honesty, no want to offend. Chalk and cheese. Oil and water. Merle and Beth. Carol opened the front door and looked down; Daryl was sitting on the steps that led to the home staring at the burial place. She sat down with him and again put her hand on his leg. His reaction, though, was different, almost unexpected. He put down his hand on hers, and squeezed. Hard. Almost crushing. Carol examined his face and found out he was crying. He was in turmoil; she could see it in every subtle move he made, from the wobbly lips to the way his legs were trembling. And when his crying turned into sobbing, he got up and went into the yard, rubbing his eyes, thinking he could stop the blurring. He couldn’t though, in fact it got worse. Carol didn’t know what to do; obviously she wanted to comfort him and hold him, she would have given anything to see that happen. But then, what if Daryl didn’t want that? Didn’t need that? Didn’t understand that? Her heart won out though, and she slowly came to Daryl and put her arms around him, around his lower back, and leaned on him, her head near his heart. In a few seconds he was holding her too; actually, clinging. Grasping. His breaths were forced, only inhaling and exhaling when he needed to. He was stroking her back when she realised that she, too, was crying. Carol straightened out and her neck became Daryl’s pillow. Holding each other up metaphorically is what they did; they both got that. But holding each other up physically, that was the first time. She wanted to make this easier on Daryl, she wanted to do something that made him realise that he mattered to someone. 

But there were sudden little kisses from Daryl all around her neck, then her jaw. She was frozen; she didn’t know what the right thing was to do. But then he started kissing her lips, small ones first, although they grew stronger, deeper, angrier, almost forceful. She knew that his kissing was not directed at her, but the whole situation. He was crushed with heartache and guilt, and he wanted to feel anything that said he was alive. With a slight push from Carol, and his name whispered, Daryl stopped and stared. For a moment or two he stared. Then he apologised, profusely, and swore, and rubbed his head. Then he was gone, into the house, with Carol wondering what the hell just happened. Rick hurried out a few seconds later, telling her that Daryl was tired and needed sleep. He asked if she was ok, and she nodded, said she was shattered and, with a peck on her forehead from Rick, she went into the abode too.

 

Carol was shattered. She was still in pain; she only woke up from her coma this morning. Everyone had some kind bed, and she decided she was going to find hers. After her ablutions, she climbed into her cot and tried to sleep. But every time she started drifting off, she saw Daryl; the sobbing Daryl, the shocked Daryl, the kissing Daryl, the sorry Daryl. She wanted to go to him and talk, but he desperately needed rest. Everyone needed rest, and time to understand the world they lived in without Beth. So she stayed where she was, doing the classic tossing and turning until she noticed the sun was rising. She got up and went outside, knowing that somebody would be up, watching. It was Tyreese. After the usual greetings, Carol asked if Daryl was still in bed. His answer didn’t make her feel at ease. Apparently Daryl got up half an hour ago and said to Tyreese he was gonna go hunting, to feel the lay of the land, and he’ll be back in a couple of days. With Carol holding back the tears, she nodded. She knew Daryl well enough to know that nobody could’ve stopped him going, and Tyreese probably tried. But he was on his own, in a foreign place, with grief in his heart and horrible memories in his mind. Of course she wanted to go and find him, she also realised that she couldn’t if he didn’t want her to.

The next few days were horrible. Carol kept herself occupied by sewing, cooking and looking after Judith. Everyone was still in deep shock and, if the others caught her crying, it was assumed it was because of Beth. And it was, of course it was. Mostly anyway. But it was slightly to do with Daryl though, she couldn’t deny it. She didn’t understand what was going on in his head. They were the closest of friends, if he wanted to talk about something that was on his mind, he would seek Carol out and talk. He trusted her like he didn’t trust anyone else. But that scene outside, that wasn’t him. That was, she was sure, grief overwhelming him. And now he was gone, she didn’t know if or when he would return. He wasn’t in the greatest mood to be on guard all the time and he needed to be. He could’ve been bit, or killed. Or maybe he didn’t want to come back. So when she heard a knock on her door, and a hesitant opening of it, she was more than relieved that it was him. Daryl. Back at home. She leapt up and sprinted across the room to hold him in her arms, weeping at relief. For a moment it seemed that Daryl didn’t know what to do with his hands, but it was so obvious, even to him, that the natural reaction was to hold her too. And, still clinging to him, she started telling him that he had to promise not to do something so risky, so dangerous, ever again. It was stupid. It was reckless. She was so scared and, unless he liked scaring her, he shouldn’t do it again. After a few seconds he relented, and swore he wouldn’t.

Then she spoke about the thing Daryl didn’t want to speak about. The night that he tried, not unsuccessfully, to kiss her.  
“You don’t know how sorry I am for that. It should’ve have happened. I feel awful, really shitty. And if it brought memories back, about Ed, well, I can’t even ask you for your forgiveness. Did it? Did it remind you about, about Ed” he whispered.  
She shook her head, quite taken aback. She couldn’t believe that Daryl thought it was anything like what she had to bestow when Ed decided to visit the brutal, violent ways on her.

“Daryl, it was nothing like that. Have you been thinking that way, since it happened?”

He nodded, slightly, glancing at her, holding back the tears, wondering whether she was telling the truth. His lips were shaky, his eyes red.

“It didn’t enter my head that you were like him. I promise you. Not for a second. I swear. You’re nothing like him, not one bit.” 

“Good, cos I couldn’t take it if I reminded you of him. But, can’t we leave it at that, then? I’m truly sorry, couldn’t be any sorrier.” he asked.

“No, we can’t.”

“Shit, you realise I ain’t good about speakin’, especially about stuff that I can’t get my head over,” he stated.

“Tough, we need to talk.”

He sighed, before he uttered “go ahead, talk.”

They both sat down on the bed, not touching each other, but still close.

“I get why you did it. It was overpowering sorrow. I get it. And if you were there the morning after, I would’ve told you that. But you weren’t. You went hunting, on your own, in a strange place.” She paused, before declaring: “You can’t do that anymore. I have to have you here, by my side. Always. And when you kissed me? It wasn’t the fact that you, doing that to me, was horrid, or weird. It was more that I didn’t want you to regret anything. You would’ve regretted that. I bet you are now. And kissing me was unexpected, unplanned. “

A few moments later Daryl cleared his throat and spoke.

“What I regretted was the reaction I got from you. Not the event. I understand, now, that the way I did it was wrong, but I wanted to be present. Alive.”

She grasped both his hands and squeezed and uttered “You’re alive, and I’m alive. And we have to keep ourselves alive until we’re not. You get it? We must.”

They spent a number of minutes in silence, before Carol whispered, “you know, I always thought that, if we did actually have our first kiss, it would’ve been soft, gentle, with tender touches and quick beats to the heart. What do I know, right? she giggled.

Daryl’s eyes were on her in a flash, looking shocked.

“Do you think about us, like that?” he inquired.

She nodded “I do. I think we could work, if we’re both ready.”

He sighed, glanced at her, and said “I think about that too”.

The atmosphere was cloudy when she lay down and patted the mattress so that he could join her. When they were situated, he asked the question.

“Do you think we’re both ready?”

She shrugged, and said “Don’t know. I’ve got a lot of baggage, you know? Being with someone like Ed? You can’t be the same afterwards. What about you? ”

“Yeah, same. You know the scars my dad left me with. You know the damage.”

“Are you scared, of what we might be getting into?” she asked.

“Yep. Terrified.”

Then something happened. Daryl turned, so that he was looking in her eyes, on his side.

“But,” he murmured “I can promise you this: I will be gentle, and soft, and I’ll keep my touches tender, and my heart will beat quickly. I guarantee that.”

He looked into her eyes, saw the craving she had inside her, and suddenly his hand was on her waist, stroking it lazily, and he was a lot closer now. 

 

“Daryl…” she murmured, her eyes lowered.

“What?”

“I want this. So much.”

“Yep, me too,” he uttered.

Carol put her left hand behind Daryl’s head, and she lowered it, so that their lips were almost touching. And then she kissed him. It was such a soothing kiss, no teeth clashing or tongues whirling. And it was soft, and gentle, with tender touches from both sides, with their bodies moving in synch, her leg gracefully atop his. Caresses on her hips, thighs, and breasts from him, and slight hints of strokes on his chest and ass for him. There were no boundaries crossed, knowing instinctively they would have to take baby steps all the way. When they naturally stopped they held each other until they fell peacefully to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review or add comments if you can. I would love to see ANY comments, positive or negative. Thank you.


End file.
